Clarity

I've known I wanted to pursue a career in the medical field for a long time. When I was much younger I used to always tell people I was going to be a doctor. The older I got the more I realized that spending so many years in school might not be my kind of thing. So, I decided I should start telling people I wanted to be a nurse. And, now as I finish my junior year at Anderson, that is exactly what I'm about to become. This makes me very excited.

Now the question becomes not what will I be when I grow up, but rather what will I be when I get out. I started college knowing I wanted to be a nurse. I figured that as I began to learn more and grow in my knowledge about the profession the choice of specializing or doing a certain type of nursing would become so much easier. I was wrong.

With every new aspect of a disease or disorder I learn, and every clinical experience I go on, I find myself being more and more confused. Each group breaks my heart in a different way. I never thought I would find myself thinking that psychiatric or geriatric nursing was for me. But after visiting the Anderson Center (a facility for people with mental disorders in town) I find myself feeling so much sadness, empathy, and love for them. They can't help their conditions, and for some there will never be a cure to bring them out of it. I can't help but think how frustrating it must be to be stuck in a mindset like that, or to get lost inside your own head.

Then, helping old people. I always swore I would never want to wipe an old butt. Not my cup of tea. I'm an Earl Grey, or White Berry Blossom kind of girl. But the more time I spend around them, again the more they break my heart. They are so helpless most of the time. They experience confusion and some of them don't have family who are willing to participate in their health care.

Yesterday we had the opportunity to learn about flight nursing. We actually got to sit INSIDE the helicopter. Emergency and critical care nursing is always where I saw myself, so I was ecstatic to have the chance to look around the helicopter that is used in those situations. The fast paced, high risk nature of it always peaked my interests. The flight nurses we talked to explained to us all the different certifications that are needed and how the CFRN test they took was literally the hardest thing they've ever done. That was encouraging. haha

My other passion has always been for neo-natal intensive care. I've always wanted to work for there at some point, too. Poor, little babies who just need someone to love on them, that's my kind of place! :)

Senior year is coming sooo soon, and that means that me living and working in the real world follows close at hand. And here I sit completely and utterly confused. A little prayer would be greatly welcomed! :)